(Un) healthy (Drunk) Downloads

• I can’t find housing=No one likes me=I wouldn’t have to care if I wasn’t poor=I just spent over $500 in eye-care/wear=How can I get ahead like that?=How much am I expected to do myself?=Impatience with those who don’t.
• I went to some fucking party to be nice to Steph and be a “good friend,” and all I got was a lot of calories consumed from cheese and wine which are good but which completely negate the fact that I woke up at 5am and burned 500 calories and probably, due to exhaustion and hungover-ness, will preclude me from getting up early enough to work out tomorrow.
• I feel like a failure today because of a) not enough calories burned, b) WAY too many calories consumed, c) my food is not prepared for tomorrow, so I will be off two days in a row, d) I was a slave, once again, to public transportation, e) and to “decorum.” Why the fuck would I spend 8 hours listening to a PD that every SPED teacher already does by virtue of being a SPED teacher? Why did I care so much about it being inappropriate to not pull out my laptop and get meaningful shit done? f) I let Steph make me feel guilty for wanting to live in the East Bay, even though all of the above is about lack of control of myself and my life and living in the East Bay would give me more control of my M-F 9-5, work outs, finances, and creative endeavors. g) I’m already sucked way too far into the politics and dynamics of my school, when I was determined to just coast for the year. 

• I lost my debit card.

After a three-beer induced spiritual experience with music, I reunited with my bed and had a three-beer, it’s-been-ten-days induced giggle. It’s the best. I’m going to end the year drinking tea and knitting in it.