(compiled by Pamela Haag at BigThink)
- Mamihlapinatapei (Yagan, an indigenous language of Tierra del Fuego): The wordless yet meaningful look shared by two people who desire to initiate something, but are both reluctant to start.
Oh yes, this is an exquisite word, compressing a thrilling and scary relationship moment. It’s that delicious, cusp-y moment of imminent seduction. Neither of you has mustered the courage to make a move, yet. Hands haven’t been placed on knees; you’ve not kissed. But you’ve both conveyed enough to know that it will happen soon… very soon.- Yuanfen(Chinese): A relationship by fate or destiny. This is a complex concept. It draws on principles of predetermination in Chinese culture, which dictate relationships, encounters and affinities, mostly among lovers and friends.From what I glean, in common usage yuanfen means the “binding force” that links two people together in any relationship.
But interestingly, “fate” isn’t the same thing as “destiny.” Even if lovers are fated to find each other they may not end up together. The proverb, “have fate without destiny,” describes couples who meet, but who don’t stay together, for whatever reason. It’s interesting, to distinguish in love between the fated and the destined. Romantic comedies, of course, confound the two.- Cafuné (Brazilian Portuguese): The act of tenderly running your fingers through someone’s hair.
- Retrouvailles (French): The happiness of meeting again after a long time. This is such a basic concept, and so familiar to the growing ranks of commuter relationships, or to a relationship of lovers, who see each other only periodically for intense bursts of pleasure. I’m surprised we don’t have any equivalent word for this subset of relationship bliss. It’s a handy one for modern life.
- Ilunga (Bantu): A person who is willing to forgive abuse the first time; tolerate it the second time, but never a third time.
Apparently, in 2004, this word won the award as the world’s most difficult to translate. Although at first, I thought it did have a clear phrase equivalent in English: It’s the “three strikes and you’re out” policy. But ilunga conveys a subtler concept, because the feelings are different with each “strike.” The word elegantly conveys the progression toward intolerance, and the different shades of emotion that we feel at each stop along the way.
Ilunga captures what I’ve described as the shade of gray complexity in marriages—Not abusive marriages, but marriages that involve infidelity, for example. We’ve got tolerance, within reason, and we’ve got gradations of tolerance, and for different reasons. And then, we have our limit. The English language to describe this state of limits and tolerance flattens out the complexity into black and white, or binary code. You put up with it, or you don’t. You “stick it out,” or not.
Ilunga restores the gray scale, where many of us at least occasionally find ourselves in relationships, trying to love imperfect people who’ve failed us and whom we ourselves have failed.- La Douleur Exquise (French): The heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone you can’t have.
When I came across this word I thought of “unrequited” love. It’s not quite the same, though. “Unrequited love” describes a relationship state, but not a state of mind. Unrequited love encompasses the lover who isn’t reciprocating, as well as the lover who desires. La douleur exquise gets at the emotional heartache, specifically, of being the one whose love is unreciprocated.- Koi No Yokan (Japanese): The sense upon first meeting a person that the two of you are going to fall into love.
This is different than “love at first sight,” since it implies that you might have a sense of imminent love, somewhere down the road, without yet feeling it. The term captures the intimation of inevitable love in the future, rather than the instant attraction implied by love at first sight.- Ya’aburnee(Arabic): “You bury me.” It’s a declaration of one’s hope that they’ll die before another person, because of how difficult it would be to live without them.
The online dictionary that lists this word calls it “morbid and beautiful.” It’s the “How Could I Live Without You?” slickly insincere cliché of dating, polished into a more earnest, poetic term.- Forelsket: (Norwegian): The euphoria you experience when you’re first falling in love.
This is a wonderful term for that blissful state, when all your senses are acute for the beloved, the pins and needles thrill of the novelty. There’s a phrase in English for this, but it’s clunky. It’s “New Relationship Energy,” or NRE.- Saudade (Portuguese): The feeling of longing for someone that you love and is lost. Another linguist describes it as a “vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist.”
It’s interesting that saudade accommodates in one word the haunting desire for a lost love, or for an imaginary, impossible, never-to-be-experienced love. Whether the object has been lost or will never exist, it feels the same to the seeker, and leaves her in the same place: She has a desire with no future. Saudade doesn’t distinguish between a ghost, and a fantasy. Nor do our broken hearts, much of the time.Ooohhh interesting love-ish stuff!
(Source: cinderellainrubbershoes)
Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know (feat. Kimbra) - official video (by gotyemusic)
psychologically speaking: "Relationships are not static ideals; they are always works in progress."
(via Psychology Today’s recent cover story, “Are You With the Right Mate?”)
“…Romance itself seeds the eventual belief that we have chosen the wrong partner. The early stage of a relationship, most marked by intense attraction and infatuation, is in many ways akin to cocaine intoxication,…
I think we’re good babe. :)
Collective, Cumulative, Cold
It seems like I stand every Fall between your legs, having a first kiss and first waist caress. Sometimes, around this time, I still sit beside you on the air conditioner beside your parent’s house that you would turn on just so we could be warm, outside. The same as when I lay on the roof, on you, and we start—
When autumnal air hits warm bellies touching for the first time I feel only cold in my nostrils and nowhere else. It’s cold outside of us and nowhere else.
It seems like I coast in a boat on the Bay on my birthday. Each year, the sea sky is abundant, abundantly clear. The whole creeping set of clouds is crisply defined, as well as somehow their parts just like my consciousness of ev-er-y thing and everything too. Come October, I could barely bear my existence and would be lost to the fog that kept us from going to the Golden Gate. Gaunt, newly so skinny, shivering and cold. Succumbed to sea, lost to the fog. But for the all-purpose English scarf you gave me that morning and your barrel arms. But for the bulk of your big bear paws and the faith with which I follow the melody of your booming voice, made complicated by clouds to cut through.
It seems like just as clocks turn back and dusky days begin, I rise reluctantly only. I awake to the dark and depart with you down the ladder of my mind to the stars, where I stubbornly stay. I see cosmically not earthly past the sunrise on Indian Rock. Suspended in space by strings but really, by who-knows-what, I sense the impossibility of being anywhere closer to anyone than light years away. The pulsing sounds I receive from you that aren’t words but that I still understand to be the sound of you saying, You are not alone. But you are nothing, not substance of things hoped for. Not even evidence of things not seen, and I won’t lose my sight. My mind is cold, and only coffee in my hands can warm me. Not the gray, wool sweater you put my body in. Not the Christmas mittens I still have. You can’t move the mountains for me.
Will it seem like, come next year and the next that I’m enjoying purely enjoying, for the first time again, being entwined with another and seeking on end, shelter from shiver, in the soft pits between your stomach and hips? I wish you to push me against the windows, break them every summer and fail to fix them by Fall. Let’s make the old house colder and getting out of bed and hard floors harder. How to exist in only sheets and shower? Can you just love me, can you just crowd me in the corner of a California King forever. And ever, Amen.
So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it BRIGHT EYES - LUA LYRICS
Consuming Love
Is there anyone too big
to be eaten?
Or will I always have to refrain
from eating?
My beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown. I was a heavy heart to carry
My feet dragged across ground
And he took me to the river
Where he slowly let me drown My love has concrete feet
My love’s an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles Over the waterfall I’m so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms
I’m so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms And is it worth the wait All this killing time?
Are you strong enough to stand
Protecting both your heart and mine? Who is the betrayer?
Who’s the killer in the crowd?
The one who creeps in corridors
And doesn’t make a sound My love has concrete feet
My love’s an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles Over the waterfall My love has concrete feet
My love’s an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles Over the waterfall I’m so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms
I’m so heavy, heavy
So heavy in your arms FLORENCE THE MACHINE LYRICS - Heavy In Your Arms
(Source: quote-book)
So sure I can just close my eyes Yeah sure, trace and memorize But can you go back once you know
You don’t know me, you don’t know me at all
“You Don’t Know Me” by Ben Folds